So I'm Struggling...with Growing Pains
There is something so divinely irritating and humbling about the never ending work on one's self. Since the move to California, I've really been struggling with feeling like my "old self" again. But the reality is, I am not meant to feel like my old self. I've moved across the country, completely changed careers, left all my familiar faces and choose to support my husband's choice in the military. I'm literally not the same person. I've outgrown my old self and I'm having some growing pains. Whether you believe in Saturn Returns, the Dark Night of the Soul, Dharma, or whatever else...I am in it. Things that used to anchor my day feel like a chore. I find myself self sabotaging my spiritual practice, feeling like no matter how long I sleep I'm STILL tired, and cannot bring myself to feel motivated to maintain my workouts. Without my dog Anubis, I honestly don't think I would move more in a day then the usual steps in side my home. A funk? Yeah, I think so.
Here's what I'm doing while I'm navigating this season.
THERAPY- Yep, I'm still doing the work. Talk therapy has been the greatest gift of my adult life in healing my childhood trauma, my present day anxieties and then some. No matter how "annoying" having someone call me on my shit or simply offer a different perspective from my own, it is ALWAYS worth it.
Leaving the House a MESS- Whether I do the chores regularly or not, the fact is there willl ALWAYS be messes to clean up. And right now, my own mess seems like it needs the attention rather than the dishes in the sink.
FRIENDS- I am making it a point to meet new people and maintain the beautiful friendships I have. FaceTime, dinners, walks around the neighborhood, you name it. I am booking out my social calendars with at least ONE thing a week, minimum.
Moving my body everyday- SOMETHING everyday. Literally, just something. Stretching, walking Anubis, yoga, dancing, whatever I feel like right now seems to be the plan. It feels so shitty to not have a routine, but the plan is to simply move my body every day SOME HOW.
DAILY Reflection- journaling, prayer, tarot, oracle cards, meditation, prayer, crystals WHATEVER it is, I'm aiming for something each day. I've really been into watching the weekly and LIVE Tarot reading from Universal Intuition HERE
As much as I wish I was in a routine, had a plan or a schedule or a bigger direction to drive towards, there is such a gift in TRULY being in the present. As backwards and crazy as it sounds, this "anxiety" I am feeling, the uncomfortableness of not worrying about the past and the future but just on TODAY is a teacher. I may not like the lesson, but I have to trust that it is teaching my something that I can use in the future. As a Teacher, a Coach and a Mentor, I am constantly reminded that the work is NEVER over. It simply get's easier and I get stronger. My toolbox gets upgraded, I GROW through the struggle. Whatever season you are in right now, it's temporary. The upgrade or the system reboot is always around the corner. TRUST that you got this and be flexible enough to adapt, shed and grow each time.