Communication Confusion vs. Clarity
We all know the feeling. You've just gotten into another fight with your significant other over something so small and meaningless to the larger picture, but in the moment you can feel the tears and hurt welling up in your throat. You try to swallow them down while your pride and make up is still holding by either storming out, running away or preparing for the next round of verbal battle. How strange this moment is. The one second reflection of communication failure and misunderstanding. In that one second of self-awareness you could stop, own your tone and apologize and clarify your intentions or let it slip away because you're already here in "Hurt Feelings-ville" and your ego has taken over as the new tour guide.
Folks, communication is both my Kryptonite and super power. It can either ruin my entire day or lead to a feeling of acceptance and vulnerability. Either way, I struggle with crystal clear communication and it is an internal battle on the daily. I know how I want to speak to my husband, or anyone rather, and have read the books, watched the TED Talks, listened to the Podcasts, etc. and try to do my best with the majority of the time. But my fear of vulnerability, or my misguided idea of multitasking or my need to be direct, whatever the reason, there is one thing I know for sure, any and all of my sufferings around relationships can be traced back to communication failure or healed and all my needs met with communication clarity. If something is so easy to say and write about, then why the hell is it so f-ing hard to do it right every time. It's like the speed limit, we all know how to read the speedometer or set the cruise control, but one thing leads to another and we're going 20 over hoping not to be bullied over and tickets.
Communication is my job. I literally have never gone a day without speaking to another living soul. It's why I have three pets for Pete's Sake. I love to talk, write and share. To be honest, when I'm on, Im really good at it to. It lights my soul on fire to watch my words positively impact someone. I love when someone says the exact right thing at the exact right time and makes my day, like last week when a Barista responded to my request for a soy latte with "Soy-tainly!" It never ceases to inspire me and connect me to my source faster when I am clearly communicating my needs, soul's desire or sharing without fear of judgement. That's the secret sauce right there folks, communication from a place of love and acceptance is always going to be well received.
Whereas on the other hand, if and when we communicate from a place of fear, we end up in communication confusion or worse, verbal wounds and hurt. The best way I can think to illustrate this is the moment before you know you are going to be in a car accident. I honestly don't understand this past the comprehension that it is. a habit loop we are stuck in and not conscious of. However, that being said, you need to wake the f- up and get conscious about it. Do you want to watch your relationships, career and friendships rot away before your eyes, or do you have the courage to speak clearly and with the intention of love?
I am not saying that this choice is easy. My god, it is so difficult. I am constantly caught in the middle of my internal emotional mind field and my logical brain speaking so fast that my emotions are still at the starting line when my brain has finished. But, when I do choose to speak from a place of love, or when I put my thoughts and intentions out there from a place of vulnerability, people lean in and relationships expand.
Here is my challenge for you this week folks, communicate from a place of love. Take some time to quietly reflect on something that has been bothering you in a relationship. Maybe, you want your spouse to read that personal development book. Or maybe you want to ask that coworker why she said that one thing about you to another person. Maybe you just want to voice that you need support with a chore this week, or that you have been wanting to try something new for dinner. Either way, choose one thing and write down the intention you have for communicating it. Think about it for a second. Most of the time, our intentions for communicating are unclear and thus our words get miscommunicated or misunderstood. But if you can sit with yourself and get clear on your intentions about communicating your thoughts to this person, you should be able to better control your tone, emotions and speak with clarity. Let me know how this goes in the comments section! Wishing you wellness aways!